The End of Marriage

In a few days (on 2 March 2026), Swee Sin and I will be celebrating our 58^th wedding anniversary. 58 years sounds like a very long time for a marriage to last; perhaps we hold the record at Hermon. A long marriage provides many lessons – opportunities to make mistakes, to heal and succeed, and to improve ourselves. However, no matter the length of the marriage, all end one way or another. Even Christian marriages end. “‘Till death do us part” is no respecter of creed, colour, educational or socioeconomic status. And, Jesus said there will not be marriages in heaven but we all will be like angels (Mark 12:25).

So, what is the “end” of marriage (I mean, its goal or purpose)? Several have been propounded down through the ages – happiness, companionship, holiness, offspring, etc. Each of these plays a part in a successful marriage. But, we think they all miss the most important point. Let’s go back to the first pronouncement of marriage recorded for us in Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”.

TWO to become ONE is the end goal of marriage. For more than the first four decades of our marriage, I assumed that I was the ONE. The verse above is all about the man. Tradition over centuries indicates that the wife changes her maiden name at marriage, taking on her husband’s and becoming Mrs So-and-so. Moreover, the apostle Paul categorically stated that the husband is the head of his wife (1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:23). But, little did I understand that the old order was transitioning to a new order.

In the years after my retirement from work, I began to change. Understanding slowly infiltrated into my mind as I began taking on duties at home. I now want Swee Sin to be the ONE – [not in authority over me, but in the way I used to make myself the center. – Ed] So I became a house-husband taking over many mundane routines which seem endless and mind-numbing. I’m not complain-ing as I quite enjoy them – not really. It’s just that I’m falling more and more behind schedule as the years go by.

Let’s take a closer look at what TWO becoming ONE could really mean. In Malachi 2:13-16, the prophet asks two questions: “Did he not make them ONE with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what ONE was God seeking?” The answer: “Godly offspring”. Children who love and obey God!

Knowledge & understanding

Two becoming one is the end goal. Procreation and the parenting of godly offspring is an important aspect but not the only one. Otherwise, a couple should simply cease to exist after that job is done. Beyond the physical, there is a task that transcends into the whole purpose of marriage itself. What is God’s purpose for you as an individual that you can’t achieve well alone? That’s where you need God’s intended life partner for you. An appropriate illustration that Swee Sin proposes is the yin yang symbol (Fig 1). [A quick guardrail: We are using this only as a familiar picture of complementarity – not adopting any non-Christian spiritual worldview. – Ed] The two opposing components so exactly dovetail that the whole is only complete when both are present. This symbol represents the Chinese concept that the whole becomes more than the sum of its parts. That’s what two becoming one ultimately means. That’s the measure of a successful marriage.

In 1 Peter 3:7, the apostle Peter instructs: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way… so that your prayers may not be hindered”. “Likewise” suggests that wives should do the same. Knowledge and understanding of each other is critical to oneness. Criticism, on the other hand is anathema – recall Jesus’ words in Matthew 7:1-5. The husband and wife are on the same team. Differences shouldn’t lead to criticism which then leads to conflict. With understanding, prayer and good communication, a better win-win solution can emerge.  This is where Swee Sin and I have frequently failed. She gets emotional while I become dumbfounded. Prayers have helped us reset. “We-times apart” are also helpful to build trust and good communication. The latter is a critical skill that ought to be learnt by every couple sooner rather than later. Swee Sin adds: A forgiving spirit has helped me navigate our marriage journey. When a delicate spirit is wounded, a cold war envelops us. KP reaches out after a few days and I forgive.

Testimonies

KP: From Oct 2022 to Dec 2025, I was afflicted by seven episodes of severe lower intestinal bleeding. Each time, I was admitted to SGH and given multiple blood transfusions. During the first six episodes, I had three emergency CT scans and three colonoscopies. The bleeding point could not be detected. Bleeding was attributed to colonic diverticuli, which are small outpouchings of the intestinal wall. My colorectal surgeon offered me a total colectomy which I was reluctant to accept.

Swee Sin prayed for my healing earnestly. We decided that we would exercise faith in God by signing up for the Hermon camp in June 2026. (Going outside Singapore was hitherto something we feared as my bleeding episodes happened without warning). But on Sun, 14 Dec 2025 after signing up for the camp, bleeding started again in the late afternoon. Was it folly and not faith?

The Emergency Department in SGH felt different this time. It was practically empty of patients when we arrived at 5pm. I was immediately registered, triaged and placed on a trolley. And then the bleeding poured out. With no other patients to distract, the staff immediately arranged for and carried out an emergency CT scan, which pinpointed a single bleeder in the ascending colon. I was then moved to the Interventional Radiology suite where the bleeding artery was catheterised and occluded with a coil (Fig 2 & 3). God answered our prayer for healing but via incredible timing and minimally invasive medical intervention.

SS: On Mon, 2 Feb 2026, I caught the cough from Kim Ping. It was so bad that we were both wearing masks to sleep at night.  I excused myself from a coming Wed lunch with former University classmates as my experience taught me that my cough would be long drawn and severe.

On Tuesday night, Kim Ping was prepared to sleep on the couch in the living room to avoid hearing my wracking coughs throughout the night. I took a Strepsils lozenge and coughed. It disappeared down my throat! Nothing happened. I prayed to God to heal my cough as Kim Ping had planned a reunion with ex-colleagues at our home on Sat, 7 Feb.  It would be most awkward socially.  Almost instantly, my aching chest seemed normal and the cough disappeared.

Next morning, Kim Ping asked, “Why no sound from you last night?”  I replied, “I prayed for healing. There is a party on Saturday.”  God graciously answered my prayer to avoid a socially awkward situation.  Thank you, Lord!

Eld (Dr) Tan Kim Ping & Swee Sin

Figure 1 Yin Yang

Figure 2 Bleeding spot

Figure 3 Bleeding stop