Parenting with Grace

Human Nature

“人之初，性本善。” At the beginning of a person’s life, their nature is inherently good. These words from Mencius have echoed through centuries of Chinese thought, shaping how many parents view their children. But is this really true? How innocent is a child, really?

Anyone who has raised toddlers knows how quickly a child learns to say, “That’s mine”, to snatch a favourite toy or to push a smaller sibling aside. We do not have to teach our kids to be selfish, to refuse to share, to demand their own way. These tendencies come pre-packaged with human nature. David the psalmist says plainly, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me” (Psalm 51:5). And Paul writes in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

The Bible tells us that since Adam and Eve’s rebellion in the garden, sin has been innate in all people. That includes our children. As parents, this is one of the most important lessons we must learn: our children need our help, our guidance and, most of all, the transforming power of the gospel.

Culture of Self-Love

Today’s world, especially through the lens of social media, preaches a message of self-love, self-care and living the way we want. There is constant focus on getting what we want and asserting our desires. But the mark of a Christian is something quite different. Jesus said, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another” (John 13:34).

We all desire children who are willing to share their favourite toy, who have

the grace to forgive a sibling’s offence, who can find joy in another’s happiness instead of their own. But these qualities do not come naturally. If we leave our children to follow their “natural” instincts, it is almost certain they will follow a path of selfishness, pride and sin.

Teaching by Example

How, then, can we teach them the radical love and grace of Jesus in a way they can truly grasp? We know this saying: “Like father, like son.” It reminds us that the best lessons are taught not by lecture, but by example. Our children are more likely to learn empathy, humility and generosity by watching how we live than by listening to what we say.

It would be easy to teach them the art of self-love by demonstrating it ourselves. But the gospel calls us to a different example. It is through the generous regard we show our spouse, the respect we have for our parents and the ways we invest in the well-being of others, that our children will glimpse a measure of the love of Christ. As Philippians 2:3–4 puts it, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Modelling Forgiveness

Even so, our children will fail despite our best efforts. They will lose their temper, they will lie, they will hurt others. If our greatest lesson is to lead by example, then our greatest testimony must be to show them love in forgiveness. We cannot teach obedience without creating an environment of gospel-shaped forgiveness.

Consider the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). The father does not condone his son’s sin, but he runs to welcome him home, embracing him with mercy and restoring him to the family. Likewise, when our children fall short, we can show them that while sin grieves us, our love remains, and restoration is always possible.

Let us not fail to teach our children that Jesus sees their sin, but equally importantly, that he has provided a way of forgiveness through the cross. They should feel the weight of doing wrong, but they should never remain in shame. As parents, we must live the gospel to our children, so that they understand how Jesus forgives and restores our relationship with him when we as God’s children also sin. We must embody the gospel ourselves, showing our children how we repent and receive God’s mercy when we sin.

Our Calling as Parents

Our children do not need perfection in us. Rather, they need an example of what it means to belong to a Saviour who loves broken people, restores them and makes them new. When we speak the gospel and live the gospel, we give our children the best foundation for a fruitful life that we can be proud of.

Our calling as parents is high; we are called not only to feed and protect our children, but to disciple them. And the most powerful tool we have is our own transformed, repentant, grace-filled life. In a world telling our kids to love only themselves, let us instead teach them, through word and deed, how to love as Christ first loved us.

Deacon Lenith Cheng